How to Handle Children Who Like to Have Tantrums

Most parents may be familiar with this situation. Some immediately meet their child's demands, while others ignore them to prevent the behavior from happening again. This kind of child behavior is called a tantrum.

What is a tantrum?

Tantrums are a way for children to express their frustration. The causes vary: unfulfilled desires, anger, pain, tiredness, illness, or just wanting attention. Inconsistent parenting patterns also contribute to this behavior. Some children tend to have tantrums often, while others have them less often.

Tantrums are a normal part of a child's development, especially between the ages of 1 and 3. They can take many forms, from whining and crying to screaming, and physical actions, such as kicking, hitting, or even holding their breath.

A child may show defiance, refuse to listen or fight authority during a tantrum. While this is not always the case, if tantrums become too frequent or intense, parents need to take them more seriously.

Tantrum warning indications

• Aggressive behavior
  The child shows unkind behavior toward people, objects, or both. The child may want to hit, kick, or break things.
  
  
• Self-harm
  The child engages in dangerous behavior, such as biting, scratching, or hurting themselves; banging their head against a wall; or trying to hurt their feet by kicking, hitting, or punching anything.
  
  
• Difficult to calm
  Children cannot be calmed down so you have to remove them from the environment or promise something to calm them down and stop their tantrums.
  
  
• Frequent tantrums
  Tantrums are considered normal if they occur about once a day at the age of 1-4 years. However, if it is more frequent than that, it is better to consult an expert.

How to stop tantrums?

When your toddler has a tantrum, they need your help to calm it down. While not all tantrums can be prevented, there are effective ways to reduce their frequency.

Tantrums often occur when children are tired, hungry, sick, sleepy, or frustrated. Tantrums can also occur when a child's desires are thwarted, parents respond incorrectly to the child's needs, are attacked or criticized, are deprived of their toy or meet strangers, and several other reasons. Recognizing these triggers allows you to better control the situation before the tantrum develops.

How to deal with tantrums

1. Stay calm

Don't respond to tantrums with anger or yelling. This will only make the situation worse.

Instead, stay calm and patient. Remind yourself that your child's emotions are valid. Ask about the reason for the tantrum only when your child has calmed down. After your child has calmed down, you can discuss their behavior in a gentle way.

2. Distract them

Give them something that will interest them, such as a doll, puzzle, or favorite toy. If the tantrum is caused by a specific task, such as picking up toys, offer to help them complete it together.

3. Give a gentle hug

If your child hits, kicks, or tries to run away, hug them gently. This touch might make them feel more secure and relaxed. Give your child a safe “space” to process their feelings.

4. Explain

After your child has calmed down, explain the rules in simple terms. Encourage them to express their feelings without getting angry. For example, train them to say, “I need help.”

5. Give choices

Give your child to choice of which toys to play with or which clothes to wear. Giving them control over simple things like this can reduce their potential for frustration.

6. Identify and avoid triggers

Avoid situations that may trigger your child to have a tantrum. Don’t give your child things that will frustrate them. If they are unable to endure waiting, do not take them to places where they must sit for a long time.

7. Ignore tantrums

If the tantrum is minor, ignore it. However, supervise them and keep them away from anything that could harm them or others.

8. Consistency

Consistency is key when dealing with tantrums. While it may be tiring, sticking to the same approach will help your child understand boundaries and rules.

9. Reward good behavior

Don't forget to compliment your child when they behave well. For example, if they sit quietly during dinner, compliment them. Helping your child set small goals and rewarding them can help them develop positive behavior.

Avoid these five mistakes

1. Giving in

Sometimes, parents give in to stop their child from screaming. However, this attitude teaches children that tantrums are an effective way to get what they want.

2. Bribing

Desperation can make parents “bribe” their children to stop crying in public. Unfortunately, this will only encourage them to have more tantrums to get what they want.

3. Paying too much attention

Children may anticipate too much attention when they have a tantrum. If this happens, try to look away, pretend not to hear, or walk away for a while. Avoid giving any kind of attention that supports the behavior.

4. Repeating warnings

Don’t repeat warnings too often. This habit can make your child think your warnings are not serious. Give your child a warning once and then follow up firmly to ensure that your child understands the consequences.

5. Too much comforting

If your child cries because they are truly sad, comfort them sincerely. However, providing comfort will only reinforce the behavior if they are throwing a tantrum because they don’t want to follow the rules.

By avoiding these mistakes, you can help your child learn to manage his emotions better. Recognize that tantrums allow parents to build relationships and teach their children about emotions.

As your child gains self-control, his tantrums will decrease. Most children will start throwing tantrums less frequently by age 3.5.

However, if your child is hurting themselves or others, or if the tantrums are getting worse after age 4, see a doctor. The doctor may consider physical or psychological issues that could be causing your child's tantrums.